We Are In Valparaiso

Today Luke and I finished the cruise. We were both happy and sad to leave. We eventually met some really cool people on the ship...our bloody Aussies, Jamie, some cool Venezuelans, Gaz (our nickname for Garrett the tool, also G-Bag), a few Canadians, Andrea and Andréa, John and Sally (the old people we had our murder mystery dinner with. John offered for me to come to his room one evening to drink and smoke pot with him, some "good shit" he got in Mexico. I politely declined.), Dr. Grant and FEng (the east-coast couple that moved to Berkeley that were impressed with our maturity and enjoyed living happy un-married lives vicariously through us), and a few others we probably forgot to mention. But, we were ready to get off the boat and be in a city again. The food was getting pretty tiresome, and we are looking forward to warmer weather.

A few awesome things have happened since the last update, again we'll talk about it in no particular order because our timeline is way off. Last night was a riot. Luke and I planned to meet with Mike, Anna, and Jamie at the sports bar to start off the night with Kings Cup. Everyone came in late at staggered times, but eventually we had at the table the original five plus Dr. Grant, Feng, Andrea, Justin and Danielle (Mike and Anna's less-social cousins who are really cool), and of course bumbling Gaz who showed up wasted with purple teeth and baggy eyes due to drinking whiskey all day. We never got to King's Cup, but the night was awesome thanks to Gaz. Gaz went downstairs to get more whiskey, brought a glass back up with about two shots worth, and eventually passed out while we were all talking and eating. Idiot. In the US we call it Chiefing, and Aussies call it Texting, but we got a hold of a felt-pen and Luke performed some artwork on his face. This may sound really mean, but when we get the pictures you'll realize it was all pretty fun. Basically, he drew a unibrow, mutton chops, and a curly moustache, and chest hair! It was so damn funny, we all almost wet ourselves laughing. Eventually, Luke woke him up and walked him back to his room to face his parents. He kept talking about how his mom was mad at him for drinking too much. Hahaha. We have been laughing all day imagining how she reacted when she woke him up this morning! Unfortunately others have the pictures, so we'll have to wait to they put them on Facebook or something.

We ended the last night at Dazzle's, the on board disco which is pretty bad. Everyone was there so we rolled in just to chat and say some goodbyes, and ended up being there pretty late. At one point, after the music ended and we were all just talking, this drunk Argentine girl who said she was 17 came up to me and asked if Luke and I were Americans, and wanted a picture when we said yes. But then she came back to me and asked if the two of us were gay. I thought this was pretty funny, especially because she ran back to a group of teenages and said three times "No son gay!", like they had a bet going or something.

The day before, after rafting in Puerto Montt, Luke started to actually feel pretty feverish. He decided to spend the evening in the room to rest up, I went out with the Aussies and did sort of the same thing we do every night. I guess nothing special about that.

This morning we got up early, had breakfast, and just waited for our floor to be called so we could get off the ship. We disembarked around 10:30 but itwas a semi lengthy process. Once we got to the port and picked up our bags, it was a huge cluster-f. There were about 3000 people looking for shuttle buses and taxis, and hailing a taxi had absolutely no order whatsoever. It was annoying, but we actually got one pretty quickly. We got to the hostel and waited til about 12:30 for our room to be ready. This hostel is pretty neat, a lot like the other ones we stayed at but perhaps a little dirtier. The girl who is running it is from Wisconsin and moved here a little while ago, so that is helpful. The crowd at this hostel is hard to read, however. There is a bar, and currently the bar is completely occupied with girls and gay guys extravagantly doing hair, and people taking photos of them. Everyone seems kinda like hippies. This will be interesting. We are taking our time at this internet cafe, then we'll head back and see about mingling. The area we are staying in is very cool and we look forward to exploringit more tomorrow.

Responses to your comments--
1. Anonymous: thanks for the useless chuck norris tip
2. Nick: some of the photos have been posted on Facebook by the other people. Luke and I don't actually have a lot of photos right now. Check it out there.
3. Mom: We wanted to go to the steak house, but our east-coast Asian favorite couple Dr. Grant and Feng wanted to eat at the buffet instead. So we missed out on the steak but had good company.
4. Russian twins: you did not show up to Dazzles for a death match at 12:34 pm. You wussed out. You were probably too busy wearing matching speedos and making out.
5. Lucy: We actually permed our hair for the speedos, not trimmed. We wanted to volumize. Also, we're not sure if that tour guide was stylish or not according to Ushuaia, but he is South American so a fruity scarf is no surprise.
6. Phil: Luke is not convinced the women in Chile are very attractice. I'll agree that Argentina was better but I don't agree about Chile. Also, Luke was not "pointing" at anything in particular, but was flipping off the Celebrity cruise ship. It tries to have the same itenerary as us, but we always beat it to port and even passed it one evening in the ocean.
7. Robin: See response number 4!
8. Chris Garcia: Thanks for the comment. At least once a day, Luke and laugh out loud at the thought of you, JW, Arvand, and Josh Bellinger on a mother-f-ing cruise ship. Luke didn't know that was part of your trip this summer, and when I told him we almost died laughing. You guys form the Super Idiot, and that's pretty dangerous in the middle of the ocean.

And just in case you are curious, here is a list of all the jokes we have buried on this cruise from overuse:
1. Anything JP says in Grandma's Boy, particularly "Sit on my face!"
2. Lonely Planet's "J In My Pants" video. We showed this to our mate Mike and he loved it. Oy!
3. Andréa, our cruise director. Mom and Dad you may appreciate that. This guy runs activities on the ship, has a background in chemical engineering, and speaks like 6 languages on the ship over the intercom. We make jokes about the way he says everything.
4. Just 2 Guys and we're having a good time! "Guy number one, I love to dance, fancy-feet moves put you in a trance!" If you don't get that, sorry.
5. We have BUTCHERED the Australian accent. So badly, in fact, that we even perverted Mike's accent to sound more like the way we try. Justin actually said Luke sounded like an autistic swedish kid. We have completely destroyed the meaning of "Oy." Sorry mates.
6. East coast stereotypes. Specifically, New Jersey and Baaaston.
7. Married jokes. Dr. Grant, we think you appreciate them? Thanks for waiting til the last night to tell us you have a PhD.
8. Serious jokes about how poorly South Americans' concept of space is. They get like 10 people together and just stand and talk in the hallway. Perdón!!!
9. The teenage gangs of South America. These idiot kids showed up to the gym, Luke's and my one place of manly refuge on the boat, wearing dresses and got in our way trying to be funny. No, it was not funny.
10. Otto in general. Otto, we wish you had come on this trip. Once a day we come up with something funny for you. At the White Hot party, we cut a rug to Abba. Plus, we have bumped into like 50 of your family members.

We'll leave you guys with a few pictures of our rafting trip. Ciao!